The Quagmire Past
by chinchillagirl33
Summary: This is a reboot of my OG ASOUE fanfic.
1. Before the fire

My name is Isadora Quagmire. I live on a hot-air mobile home with my brothers. I scour the skies every day looking for Kla- er, the Baudelaires. Quigley and Duncan look for them too. I will tell you how we got here, but it isn't a pleasant tale.

 _Before the fire..._

I was sitting in my room, working on a poem. Duncan was in his room. Quigley was in the library. I went to go ask Duncan what he thought of my poem. I was in the hall and smelled smoke. I wondered where it was coming from. _Has mom or dad burnt something?_ I passed by the living room and did a double-take. The sofa and chairs were all flaming! I ran to get Duncan.

I threw open the door to his room. "DUNCAN! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!" I screamed.

"What's goin' on?" he said.

"The living room is on fire!"

"We have to get Quigley first." We went to the library but we couldn't get there. The doorway was flaming! We went back to my room because it was closest. I realized that we would have to go out the window. I grabbed my commonplace book and smashed the window. I grabbed Duncan's commonplace book and chucked it out the window.

"We'll get it when we're out of here. Quigley's probably out there with mom and dad." I said.

"OK. Let's go." he said.

I jumped out the window and landed sprawled on the ground. I just managed to get out of the way before Duncan jumped out of the window. He somehow managed to land on his feet and not fall over. We ran across the street and we watched the fire department arrive. The firemen came after the blaze was out and told us that they hadn't found any bodies. I started crying. I couldn't believe it. Mom. Dad. Quigley. All dead.

"No." I whispered to myself. "No. It can't be. No. They can't be dead."

"We'll take care of each other now, right?" Duncan said. I barely heard him. I was blinded by grief.

"Uh-huh." I said.

"Well, you two can do that at school." I heard a smooth female voice say.

"What?" I said. I wiped away my tears and looked up. A woman with short blond hair and a rather ugly white pinstripe suit was standing next to us.

"You two are going to go to Prufrock Preparatory School." the woman said. "My name is Esme Squalor. I'm the city's 6th most important financial advisor."

"We're only going to Prufrock Preparatory School if we can go together." I said, standing up.

"Well of course you're going together." Esme said sweetly. Too sweetly. The next thing I knew, we were getting into a white limousine and we were riding away from our old home. I started crying, softly so that no one would see the tears running down my face. We were really leaving.


	2. Enter: Prufrock Prep

We were on our way to Prufrock. Duncan and I had just gotten our uniforms. Now we were leaving. Leaving the city. Leaving the memories. Leaving our home. Leaving our parents and Quigley. Leaving our old lives. I tried to distract myself by writing a poem, but nothing came to my mind. I stuck with staring out the window. I glanced at Duncan. To most people that face meant he wasn't feeling anything. I knew what that face meant. It meant sadness. When he got sad, his face would go blank.

After a while I heard Esme say, "We're here!" The limousine stopped, and Duncan and I got out. We looked at the school. It looked like a graveyard. Many gray buildings, all shaped like gravestones. I tried to shrink into air, but it didn't work.

"Come along, orphans." Esme said. "I will take you to the Vice Principal's office but after that I must leave. I have to get back to the city." She walked to the largest building. It was just as gray inside as outside. We sat down on a bench in front of the door that said **VICE PRINCIPAL NERO**.

"I must leave you here. I'm sure it won't be a long wait." Esme said. She walked away.

A girl in a pink dress and a jeweled brooch walked up to us. "C is for cute! A is for adorable! R is for ravishing! M is for gorgeous! E is for excellent! L is for lovable! I is for I'm the best! T is for talented! A is for amazing! And my name is Carmelita!"

"Gorgeous doesn't start with M." I said.

"Only cakesniffers care about poetic form!" she said angrily. "I'm Carmelita Spats and you two are the cakesniffing orphans I'm going to give a tour to."

She proceeded to give us a tour of the school. It was not a pleasant experience. When we got back to the bench she said, "And this is the bench where you were supposed to meet Vice Principal Nero ten minutes ago so now you're late."

"Thank you for the tour." Duncan said.

"Ahem." She said.

"Ahem what?" I asked.

"It is traditional at the end of a tour to give the tour guide a tip." she said.

Just then the office door opened and a squeaky voice said, "Come in, orphans." We left Carmelita in the hallway and entered the office.


	3. The Orphan Shack

We enter the office and see a man holding a violin. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Vice Principal Nero!"

I look around for where the Vice Principal has been hiding. I realize that it was actually the violin man.

"It is tradition to applaud and cheer when a GENIUS has just been introduced."

I start clapping and so does Duncan. "Hooray! Woo-hoo!" Duncan says halfheartedly.

"Thank you. Now. You two are the Quagmire twins, correct?"

"No we aren't. We are triplets not twins." I say, while feeling a pang of sadness at remembering Quigley's death.

"There are clearly only two of you." he says.

"Our brother Quigley died in the fire that killed our parents." Duncan says.

" _Our brother Quigley died in the fire that killed our parents._ " Nero says in the most annoying mockery voice I've ever heard. "I don't really care. Now, Duncan, you'll be in room 1 with Mr. Remora. Isadora, you'll be in room 2 with Ms. Bass. This school has a marvelous dormitory with a large living room, a game room, and a lending library. Each student has their own room and has a bowl of fresh fruit placed there every Wednesday. What do you think of that?" Nero says, handing us a small brochure.

"It's incredible." I say, taken aback.

"Well I'm glad you think so even though you won't get to see it much. In order to live in the dormitory you need a signed permission slip from a parent or guardian and your parents are both dead. You two will live in a small, tin, shack." he says, handing us a second brochure. "At least until another set of orphans come and then you'll be upgraded to a broom closet."

"Why can't you just change the rules?" I ask.

" _Why can't you just change the rules?_ " he mocks. "Because I am far to busy practicing the violin. Now there are a variety of rules here at Prufrock. The first is that if you are late to lunch, your cups will be taken away and you'll have to drink from puddles on your tray. If you are late for class, your hands will be tied behind your back and you will have to bend down and eat our food like a dog. If you miss one of my mandatory 6-hour violin recitals you will have to buy me a bag of candy and watch me eat it."

I exchange a look with Duncan that clearly says, _By God, this man's crazy._ "OK Vice Principal Nero, we're going to go to our shack." I say.

We leave the office and have to do a bit of searching before we find the shack. When we enter, we see two things that are wrong. "Crabs." Duncan says.

"Fungus." I say. We quickly scramble onto the hay bales that are clearly supposed to be our beds. I reach into my pocket and pull out the thing in there.

"Izzy, you never told me what that is." Duncan says.

"I don't know what it is. I think it's only half of something, but I don't know what." I say.


	4. Upgraded!

"Duncan, you wanna hear my new poem?" I ask.

It's lunchtime and Carmelita Spats has finally let up with her chanting of "Cakesniffing orphans in the orphan shack!" on and on.

"OK. Go for it." Duncan says.

"I'd rather eat a bowl of vampire bats than spend an hour with Carmelita Spats." I read. I see Duncan smile for the first time since we got here. It's only a small hint, but it's definitely there.

"Are the cakesniffers reading a cakesniffing poem?" Carmelita says behind us.

"Go away, Carmelita, we're not in the mood." Duncan says.

"Humph!" she stamps away.

 _A few weeks later._

"I've got a special message for you Quagmire twins." Carmelita sings.

"We aren't twins."

"You're due in the office at the end of the day, and my name is CARMELITA!"

"Fine, just go away." I say.

"Hmmmph" as she tap-dances away.

After school we go to the office and sit on the bench outside to wait. After quite a while I take the thing out of my pocket and look at it. "I think it's part of a spyglass" I say, out of the blue.

"Huh?" Duncan asks. "Izzy, you still haven't told me what that is."

"I think it's part of a spyglass." I say.

 _A while later._

"It feels like we've been sitting on this bench for months." Duncan says.

The door opens in that squeaky way that it does. "Come in, Quagmires." Nero says in that squeaky way of his. We get up and enter the office. "Well, sit down if you must I haven't got all day. The day has finally come. We got a new set of orphans so now you've been upgraded to your broom closet."

"Thank you, Vice Principal Nero. That is very generous of you." Duncan says.

"Blah, blah, blah." he says. "Now get out of my office." he shoos us back out the door.


End file.
